IF I WERE TO TELL YOU, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND / Deborah Ladd (Aunt)
If I were to tell you you wouldn't understand But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over, I'm closer to you now than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb. Yet, together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too. As you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help someone who is in sorrow or pain, then you can say to God at night, "My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented that my life was worthwhile, knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile. So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low, just lend a hand to pick him up as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind, I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go from that body to be free, remember you're not going----you're coming her to me.
"NOW I KNOW YOU ARE A MAN" / Deborah Ladd (Aunt Dee ) I sat alone and thought of you, I did it for some time You're heavy in my heart, forever on my mind
I'm looking back on days gone by, and how your life began I'd hoped to watch you play and grow , then change into a man
If I'd known then what I know now, I'd never shed a tear My little boy now has it all, no pain, no grief, no fear
And you my Jordan, had "unlimited wealth", they call it ""Heart and Soul" An Angel in your midst I'd say, if the truth were told
I see your face so clearly now, I couldn't for so long And now I know you ARE a man, you always were so strong
Now here I sit and talk with you, like we never missed a beat I smell your hair, I feel your warmth, and know you are complete
The sweetest things in life are free, they do not fade with time; I'll hold you always in my heart; I'm so grateful you were mine
I gave you life, then sent you home, It's what I had to do I did as I was told you see, I did it all for you
I hope I served you well my love, I did the best I could And if I had to do it twice, for you Jordan, I would
You gave me strength when times were hard, that's what you did for me I'll love you Jordan, with all my heart, throughout enternity.
Missing You!!! / Tasha Lawson (Good Friend ) I see his body on the ground, Broken beer bottles all around. He thought that he would go for a ride and have some fun, He lays there pale and cold, like ice, Why did he have to pay that price? If only i could hear his voice, Why did he have to make that choice? Looking down at the ground were he lays, Waiting for his voice to say I'm Ok It feels like my heart went cold, Please, Lord protect and take his soul and I promise 'til my dying day In my heart he will always stay.
{ I will forever miss you JORDAN}
I'M FREE / Aunt Dee (Aunt) Don't grieve for me, for now I'm Free. I'm following the path God laid for me. I took his hand when I heard Him call. I turned my back and left it all. I could not stay another day, To laugh, to love, to work or play. Task left undone must stay that way, I found that peace at the close of the day. If my parting will leave a void, Then fill it with remembered joy. A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss, Oh yes, these things I too will miss. Be not burdened with times of sorrow, I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow. My life's beef full, I've savored much, Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch. Perhaps my time seemed all too brief, Don't lengthen it now with undue grief. Lift up your hearts and share with me. God wanted me now, He set me FREE.
Untitled/ Deborah Ladd (Aunt Dee ) Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumns rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight, I am the soft star that shines at night. Eo not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there: I did not die.
Jordan/ Deborah Ladd (Aunt Dee ) If we could call heaven, would you answer the phone? If we could tell you how much we miss you, Would you hurry back home? We can't believe you are there, we feel so alone. Lost without our precious Jordan you're in heaven And we're not taking it well We know that grandpa Bill is holding you tight, But that doesn't make losing you anymore right. You were unfairly taken from our family fold, And we want you back, we need you to hold. You were loved, our precious boy Losing you took all our joy. We'll be lost forever without your georgous face Your gentle touch, you loving way, it just isn't fair You should be here today If you came back from Heaven Would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up where we left off, and try it all again? If you came back from Heaven, we would freeze in our tracks, And I hope God knows we would NEVER send you back! We will love and miss you FOREVER!!
This is a choice that Jordan made / Deborah Ladd (Aunt Debb )
To desire and strive to be of some service to the world to aim at doing something which shall really increase the happiness and welfare and virture of mankind. This is a choice which is possible for all of is; and surely it is a good haven to sail for.
Watch over us / Stacy Swaney (Cousin)
Jordan, I wish you were here to celebrate the holidays with us. It doesn't get any easier. Every year I expect you to come walking through the doors with you infectious smile and goofy laughter. I can only hope you are watching over us and praying for us. Please look after Aunt Dee. She needs your prayers and support right now. Help her get through so we can have her back. She is not Aunt Dee right now and we need her back! Close
To let you know that I'm alright, Because I'm with God Today.
I see the tears you're crying, and I know you are hurting inside
But please try to remember that only my body died.
My sould is strong and happy, and free, and I know you'll keep alive, my old life was full of struggles.
I knew pain, and I knew fear but, that day when I left you, Jesus whispered in my ear He said, "It's time to come home, and he has a smile on his face."
Oh I'm sorry to see you hurting and it's sad, only your body will die.
I will never really leave you.
I promise I'll be watching you from up above, and you can believe
forever,
that I send you all my love.
So don't weap about my struggles, and don't worry about my past
I'm here in a place of joy, and I've found that peace at last.
I wish that I could wipe away your tears, and mend that hurt you
feel inside but,
Please Find comfort when I say it was only my body that died.
Another Holiday Without You. / Aunt Dee
Jordan, Christmas just does not feel the same without you here. The holidays are just so hard and saddens me to know we will never have another holiday with you. On Thanksgiving we had a picture of you by the table and I said a prayer for you, so that was our way of having you with us. They say time heals all wounds. Well, it's been over a year and I still feel the pain and sorrow of your passing just as much as ever. I keep waiting for you. To come to me, to give me a sign and that is yet to happen. I keep looking for any little thing hoping that it's you, here to tell us all is ok and you are happy and well. I still keep asking myself,"Why you?" I will never understand or accept the fact that you were taken from us.Even Kylie thinks of you. She said out of the blue the other day "I miss Jordan". I just told her we all do. What else do you say to a six year old? I'm working now. I work with the severly developmentaly disabled. Alot of these kids were born this way and they don't know any different. However some have been in car accidents and now their life exists of wheelchairs, having to be feed, bathed, etc. It has made me realize that I am glad you did not survive that accident, as you had severe head trauma, because you most surely would have ended up like these kids I take care of or worse. So in essence it has been a blessing, working with them. Everyone is doing ok. Bill had his surgery and pulled through like a pro. Kylie just got put into the gifted program at school. Reminds me of you. Uncle Joe and I are doing great. Stacy is doing well, trying to get a better job with the local Uncle Joes works for. Hopefully that will happen for her. We are all just hoping for a better year. 2008 has to be better than the last yr. and a half. It surely has tested us. We are a strong family, this I have found out. I;m going to go for now. I love and miss you so much I can barely stand it. I still cry for you. I don't believe that will ever stop. When the time comes I hope to see you again. That is my thought that keeps me together. That I WILL see you again someday. I love you baby. Bye for now. Aunt Dee Close
Hello Jordan's Friends and Family. I just wanted to update everyone on some things we have been doing for our loved one. I have adopted the outer road in Wright City in Jordan's name. The road is the two miles by the high school. I want every kid who leaves that school to see Jordan's name and to remember him and smile. I also want everyone to be safe. Jordan is also featured in a book called "It Won't Happen To Me" which is being used at the high school to remind the kids that unsafe driving practices can cost you your life and leave a terrible burden on friends and family. I did put up a new cross at Jordan's accident side with his picture. Let's all rebuild the site. We just have to be careful and not leave trash or candles burning. Grant wanted a small Christmas tree for his room that he could decorate for Jordan with all their ornaments. He put his and Jordan's ornament with their names on them at the top for the star. I pray everyday that Jordan's friends are recovering from this aweful thing that has changed our lives. It still hurts so bad but when I think of the crazy things Jordan did and said, my heart warms. I love you all, Donna-Jordan's mom forever.
I haven't been on here for a long time and for some reason i just really miss him! We were step cousins and he treated me like we were real cousins. I miss him so much!
You have been on my mind so much lately!! / Aunt Dee
Hi My Love, I have been thinking about you constantly lately and needed to write. I went to Kansas to visit Uncle John and Aunt Susan, who send their love. I stopped by your accident site and was devastated to see EVERYTHING gone. Your mom added a new cross with your picture and some flowers, but of course not the same. We WILL rebuild however, anything for you!! Your adopt a road sign should be going up soon. I can't wait for that. There will be a two mile stretch of road that we have to keep clean in your honor, so please do me a favor and see that no one trashes that two miles. Make it easier on Aunt Dee, OK? LOL I just miss you so terribly much. I never knew such pain and sadness existed and pray that I never have to go thru this again. I'm still waiting for a vist. When you can please come see me, let me know you are ok and happy, that will make things much eaiser on me. Even though you are not physically here the bond we shared will never be broken. I carry your love with me always and will never forget how special you made me feel. I hope I did the same for you, as you were and still are my heart. I love you dear boy.Be happy and watch over us as we really need you right now. Bill has to have brain surgery, as he has some tumors that apparently are caused by some genetic thing that thankfully the Drs. discovered before it was to late. Watch over him, protect him and help us to deal with this unexpected and sudden tradegy. Hopefully he will feel your presence along with grandpa Bill's as he goes through this, which would be a tremendous help for him. I love you baby and would give anything to have you back with us, which is not to be, but something I still wish for. I will vist again soon and I will be thinking of you always and loving you with every ounce of my being. May happiness be with you. Love Aunt Dee
Just feeling the emptiness of you not being with us today. / Deborah Ladd (Aunt Dee )Read >>
Just feeling the emptiness of you not being with us today. / Deborah Ladd (Aunt Dee )
Jordan, I'm sitting here, early morning, thinking of how very much I miss you. I was thinking of Thanksgiving and how you boys would play football in out backyard. It certainly won't be the same without you here. I doubt the football game will continue, as it's just to much of a reminder of how special that day was. I have been trying to get more pictures and some audio downloaded onto your site. It takes awhile and I'm not to computer literate at those types of things. You have been getting quite a few vistors at you site. Those who think of you often and miss you so. It's been over a year now, since you left us, but yet It seems like yesterday. Yes, I can talk about you sometimes without the tears, but the ache in my heart is alway there. Life, for me anyway, will never be the same without you. You are on my mind constantly, you know, the what if's the how come, the if I would have been here, etc, etc. So many unanswered questions. I'm so afraid that I will never see you again. Is there really life after death? Who really knows for sure? If I knew for sure, it would give me some much needed comfort, just knowing that I can hold you again, that you are waiting for me in some other demension. I m VERY tempted to contact a physic and just see what they have to say. I don't think it would hurt anything, as nothing could be as painful as what I am going thru right now. Just know that I love you so and miss you with every ounce of my being. I will forever hold you in my heart. Love you bunches and forever, Aunt Dee xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Close
I haven't been able to write lately, due to the sadness that is strong as ever / Aunt Dee (Aunt)Read >>
I haven't been able to write lately, due to the sadness that is strong as ever / Aunt Dee (Aunt)
Jordan, I'm sorry I haven't written lately. I just have been having a VERY difficult time, what with your one year angel date and all. I'm sitting here at 5:30 this morning, tears flowing and my heart breaking. I just want you to come home!! I talk about you often, however it seems most don't want to hear what I have to say as they can't handle it. You Mom and I talk about you often, we cry together and we laugh together. On your angel date, your friends went to your site to honor you, however they left behind beer cans, I guess they were toasting you, and someone left a candle burning and your site caught on fire. Everything is gone. That broke my heart. We will rebuild, that I promise you if I have to do it by myself. Your mom says it was probably you saying OK it's been a year, get on with it. Maybe just trying to not feel the pain of it. They adopted a part of the highway in Wright City in your name. They put up a sign that says " In Loving Memory" Jordan Held, Wright City High School." That will be their forever!! Also the SADD and DARE programs are using the booklet you are featured in for their lectures, and the booklets have you memorial site link in them. So we are continuly doing what we can to keep your memory alive and etched in everyone's mind. I hope you know how much you were loved in life!!! I still have a VERY hard time looking at your pictures, which I have displayed all ove the house. Knowing you will never be with us again. So hard to accept that. I think I told you I got a tattoo with your name, angel wings, in loving memory and your birth and angel yrs. My way of keeping you with me forever. I will never let you go, the memories, the love I had and have for you. I'ts just not fair. I will Love you forever and ever and I will never stop thinking about you and all the years we will miss having you with us. Watching you grow into the incredible young man that you were to be. My heart bleeds for you and I will never let you be forgotten. Peace and Love to you my Angel. xxxxxooooo Aunt Dee Close
Been having a VERY difficult time lately!! / Aunt Dee (Aunt)Read >>
Been having a VERY difficult time lately!! / Aunt Dee (Aunt)
Hi Baby, I haven't written lately, I think because coming to your site was just getting to be VERY difficult for me. The last few weeks have been pure hell, thinking of you and missing you so. I can't believe it's been ten months since you left us. It seems like yesterday. I will never forget the moment I found out about your passing. The most devasting moment of my life. I drove past the fishing lake I took you to yesterday and just broke down. I haven't been able to work since your passing as my grief is so deep that I can't quite move on. Uncle Joe has a hard time, but doesn't really talk about it. He thinks of you everyday. He lost his best bud and one of the most important, loved men in his life. You and his dad are those men, and now there is just one. I go to a doctor once a month to try and help me thru this and am starting therapy soon. I just never knew such pain existed, and I would never wish this on anyone.Your Mom, Bill, Uncle Joe, Cousin Stacy and Kylie and I were doing fireworks on the 2nd of this month and Stacy was taking pictures and inbetween pics of Uncle Joe and Bill acting silly with sparklers a picture appeared on the camera that we thought was the moon, but realized it was an orb, which was the strangest thing because I never belived in that sort of stuff. It was a perfect circle with a white light outlining it and we really belive it was you. Everyone you loved the most was here that night and I think you came and let us know you were here. That is the first sign I have had and I truly want to belive it was you. If so, please come back as often as possible so we know you are ok and are watching over us. We all love and miss you so much and life without you is so painful, but our love and memories of you help to keep you with us.I can't wait till I get to see you aagain, hold you, talk to you and just be with you. I'm going to go spend some time with your mom for the next few days so come say hi if you can. I love you and miss you beyound belief. Take care and know I think of you always!! Love Aunt Dee Close
i miss ya / Lindsey Woldanski (girlfriend)
hey there i haven't been on here alot at all this summer but i am moving and that sucks b/c i will miss everyone and it will definately hurt knowing that i am moving away from you.... i tried to stop by and see your mom a few times but she isn't there usually.... i know it has been really hard for her... i miss you so much... i finally got a new car... its a 2005 colbalt ls its wghite with pink stripes i have always wanted a car with pink racing stripes.... i just wish you were here to ride in it with me..... love ya babe ttyl Close
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She Took Me By The Hand
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